Photo courtesy of Wikimedia Commons

Dear Friends of Light,

We aren’t just bringing you rabid rodents this week—there’s also a living billboard, a catering truck with a surprise filling, and more! Read all seven Poems of the Week below—or visit our home page for versions with relevant news links: https://lightpoetrymagazine.com/#potw.

Big thanks to everyone who submitted work this time, and congrats to featured poets Marshall Begel, Steven Urquhart Bell, Julia Griffin, Nora Jay, Steven Kent, and Susan McLean.

Here are their poems:

A Different Kind of Jaws

by Susan McLean

Of things that scare us when immersed,
they’re not the ones we think of first:
a park in Maryland is cursed
with rabid beavers.

In truth, it ought to give us pause
when rodents red in tooth and claws,
attacking, silence the guffaws
of disbelievers.

So small, so bucktoothed, and so cute,
they don’t appear the kind of brute
we ought to fear, with no repute
for vicious slaughter.

But if you swim or fish, beware!
They’re mad, they’re fast, they’re on a tear,
and they don’t give a dam. Take care:
avoid the water.

Commander in Chef

by Nora Jay

“When US intelligence allegedly found a credible threat that Iran plotted to kill him last month, Trump left Air Force One in a catering truck.”
—The Guardian

On Air Force One, the catering’s surprising:
The truck is now a Presidential stall,
Thus proving there are sights less appetizing
Than Last-Row Chicken Pasta after all.

Fabulous Fabulist

by Steven Kent

“Will Trump’s next press secretary be a better liar than the first five?”
—The Guardian

The new Press Sec will catch Trump’s eye
If he or she can sell a lie
At least as well as Leavitt—my
Oh my, that bar is really high!

Moving Up

by Marshall Begel

“Netflix stuck a guy in a billboard to promote a new movie”
—Entertainment Weekly

For those of you who can’t afford
to pay your monthly room and board,
a well-known streaming corporation
will gladly fix your situation:
they’ll build a billboard just for you
with AC and fantastic view
(though to be honest and forthcoming,
it’s possible it won’t have plumbing).
They promise you’ll be captivated!
Privacy? That’s overrated!
It’s almost like a paid vacation …
till the series’ cancellation.

Stair Way to Fitness

by Steven Urquhart Bell

“Taking the stairs cuts risk of early death by a quarter”
—The Telegraph

You’ve only got a single heart,
They never come in pairs,
So always, always, always, always,
Always take the stairs.

Unless you’re having surgery
And suddenly you spy
A luminescent flight of stairs
Ascending to the sky.

Smooth Operator

by Julia Griffin

“A Baltimore, Maryland, police officer avoided service calls by claiming he was on traffic stops when he was in fact ‘sitting idle in his car,’ according to an indictment filed by city prosecutors. … On one occasion, when Houchins reported being unavailable, he was allegedly ordering a smoothie…”
—The Guardian

The Maryland PD just likes to moan;
The charges filed are frankly overblown.
They allege I’m “sitting idle,”
A complaint at which I bridle:
Inside my car, I’ve orders of my own.

I counter-charge my so-called fellow cops
With strangely misdefining “traffic stops.”
I was driving, then I halted.
I don’t think that can be faulted—
I’m sure I only missed four murders, tops.

Pros and Consultants

by Steven Urquhart Bell

“Six ‘bankrupt’ councils spend £207m hiring consultants”
—The Telegraph

We hired some consultants to
Investigate our cash,
And tell us where we’re going wrong
And if we’re being rash.

And when they’d poked around a bit,
They said our money cares
Were mostly the result of us
Employing firms like theirs.

Light‘s next Poems of the Week deadline is Friday at noon Pacific Time (see https://lightpoetrymagazine.submittable.com/submit/83267/poems-of-the-week-submissions).

Got non-news-based verse for our regular, twice-yearly issues? Submit it anytime at https://lightpoetrymagazine.submittable.com/submit/18417/poems-for-regular-issues-of-light.

Happy reading,

The Light Brigade

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Photo by Felipe Salgado for Unsplash

Dear Friends of Light,

From flirting fireflies to an out-of-this-world pas de deux, our Poems of the Week have got moves! Read all eight below—or visit our home page for versions with relevant news links: https://lightpoetrymagazine.com/#potw.

Big thanks to everyone who submitted work this time, and congrats to featured poets Ruth S. Baker, Marshall Begel, Bruce Bennett, Jerome Betts, Dan Campion, Catherine Chandler, Julia Griffin, and Steven Kent.

Here are their poems:

A Bad Reflection on the Boss

by Steven Kent

“Trump slams Jeanine Pirro for dropping Reflecting Pool vandalism case”
—CBS Detroit

Judge Pirro?
A zero—
No hero,
Says Nero.

1-800-AI-SAVES

by Marshall Begel

“To meet the growing needs of his congregation, [Pastor] Justin Lester created an A.I. duplicate of himself.”
—The New York Times

For helpful discussions on sin,
just contact my new AI twin.
Appointments are free,
so call in and see
the merits of phoning it in.

Moondance

by Julia Griffin

“A Mars rover just saw Earth dance with a Martian moon—then disappear behind it.”
—BBC Sky at Night Magazine

A little spying rover
“Was just chancing” to look over
At a dark and private corner of the sky,
When it heard (“I never listened!”)
Something sung which, though it isn’t
Fully polished, has gone viral up on high.
It’s the love song of a planet,
And it’s much too late to ban it
So we might as well enjoy it, on the sly.

I believe I’m struck by moonlight!
You have caught me in a swoonlight,
I’m in retrograde, but yearning to advance:
Will you tango with me, Phobos,
To a tune by Villa-Lobos?
Shall we boogie to Boötes? Shall we dance?

Every forest, each sierra,
All that makes me Wholly Terra
Is a-quake; Peru’s colliding into France:
Your effect on me is tidal—
I can feel my tropics sidle:
Shall we do the Astral Spiral? Shall we dance?

I have never seen such luster
In the Virgo Supercluster,
I’ve no earthly, but I have to take my chance:
Though I know you’re Mars’s satellite,
You’ve set my thermostat alight:
So how about it, Rockstar—shall we dance?

Fourmi-dable?

by Catherine Chandler

“Michelin-starred restaurateur faces jail for using ants as dessert garnish”
—BBC

In Seoul it’s considered OK
to garnish a bingsu sorbet
     with a two-spotted cricket
     (you won’t become sick), it
will please gastronome and gourmet.

But a chef believed he could enhance
l’intermède (as they call it in France).
     Now he might lose his stars
     and end up behind bars—
Hélas! for a sprinkling of ants!

The Firefly Imperative

by Bruce Bennett

“By the time they are airborne adults, they are interested only in mating and don’t eat that much … ‘The males, once they’ve done their duty, that’s the end of their life cycle, [a horticulturalist] said. ‘The females are going to lay their eggs in the soil again.’ Then, it’s lights out.”
—The New York Times

Don’t bother me with tempting food.
There’s one thing on my mind:
the only thing that’s right and good,
which is, of course, to find

A loving mate who’ll love me so
the moment that we meet
there will be nowhere else to go,
and I won’t need to eat!

Low Ammo

by Dan Campion

“US officials push back on reports of dangerously low munitions supplies
Experts warn that low stockpiles of air defense interceptors as a result of the war on Iran leave the US vulnerable.”
—Al Jazeera

Thucydides, Themistocles—
Commanders always fib,
An occupational disease
Old as Sennacherib.
I’d study up on Plutarch, friends.
Officials push back? Duck.
They’ve reached their limited wits’ ends.
Attacked, we’re out of luck.

Odd Man Out

by Jerome Betts

Cup shooting stars went on campaign—
Mbappé, Messi, Haaland, Kane.

Sad that the great four-yearly beano
Also included Infantino.

Hip, Hip, Hooray!

by Ruth S. Baker

“Toronto zoo announces birth of pygmy hippo calf … Within 15 minutes of birth, the calf began trying to stand and was ‘confidently navigating the space’ a few hours later, the zoo said, adding that the calf was seen nursing approximately 4.5 hours after birth.”
—The Guardian

The newborn of the pygmy hippo race
Can confidently navigate the space
Of a zoo in east Toronto
After fifteen minutes. Pronto!
I believe it’s time our species upped the pace.

Light‘s next Poems of the Week deadline is Friday at noon Pacific Time (see https://lightpoetrymagazine.submittable.com/submit/83267/poems-of-the-week-submissions).

Got non-news-based verse for our regular, twice-yearly issues? Submit it anytime at https://lightpoetrymagazine.submittable.com/submit/18417/poems-for-regular-issues-of-light.

Happy reading,

The Light Brigade

Not a subscriber? You can fix that by clicking below. (It’s free!)

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Photo by Will Colavito for Unsplash

Dear Friends of Light,

Scroll below for eight back-of-the-net poems on soccer, spacetime, sphinxes and more! (Or for versions with live links to all the relevant stories, click over to https://lightpoetrymagazine.com/#potw.)

And remember: though Poems of the Week is now starting a short hiatus (next deadline: Aug. 7 at noon PST), you’ve got our spring/summer issue to tide you over at
https://lightpoetrymagazine.com.

Many thanks to everyone who submitted work, and congrats to featured poets Marshall Begel, Steven Urquhart Bell, Dan Campion, Julia Griffin, David Hedges, Steven Kent, Philip Kitcher, and Mike Mesterton-Gibbons.

Here are their poems:

From Car to Czar

by Marshall Begel

“Russian Retailers See Horse Sales Surge Amid Worsening Gasoline Deficit”
—United 24

With gasoline in short supply,
the marketplace endorses
the vehicle that says goodbye
to fossil fuel—it’s horses!

Envision riding noble steeds
just like the upper class—
a luxury that only needs
a stable and some grass.

So, look this gift horse in its mouth—
no car today can beat it.
If things continue going south,
remember: you can eat it!

The Best-Laid Plans…

by Philip Kitcher

“The U.S. men’s team limped out of the World Cup, beaten by Belgium… [M]any are calling it karmic retribution after U.S. striker Folarin Balogun was allowed to play despite a red card because President Trump called for FIFA to conduct what he described as a review…”
—ABC News

When they talked of red cards, he was very confused,
but once they explained them, he wasn’t amused.
He derided the ref: “What the [devil] does he know?
Let me have a quick word with my pal, Infantino.”
The whole business was settled with utmost dispatch—
for the Don is a master at fixing a match.

It is sad to relate, for the Land of the Free,
that revenge on the Belgians was not meant to be.

Shall I Compare Thee to a Pompous Ass?

by David Hedges

Shall I compare thee to a pompous ass?
Thou art ten thousand thousand times the more
Disgusting and degenerate—no class!
Some on the left would label thee a whore
Though that demeans the babes thou once employ’d
In Moscow at the bid of Vladimir,
Who taped the golden shower thou so enjoy’d,
And others who stay silent out of fear.
‘Tis apt to see thy gold complexion dimm’d
By E. Jean What’s-her-name, on whom thou pil’d
A dump-truck’s worth of epithets untrimm’d
And otherwise besmirch’d—hell’s-fire, revil’d!
Mighteth there lurk some faint redeeming grace
Behind thy smirking Gatorade’d face?

Riddle in the Sands

by Julia Griffin

“… 18 ancient tombs were discovered at Marina el-Alamein, near Alexandria, which includes rock-cut and limestone tombs, pottery and a granite sarcophagus. … Close to the sarcophagus, they found the remains of a plaster sphinx statue… . Four gold pieces were placed inside the mouths of some of the deceased, known as ‘the golden tongue’…”
—The Guardian

O Sphinx, whom are you watching in this tomb?
Never mind whom.
This gold upon his tongue—what can it be?
A mystery.
Is it a gift, a fare he has to pay?
I will not say.
Then answer only this: why did he die?
Do not ask why.
Surely it was no curse that laid him low?
You may not know.
But could he curse another, in his turn?
That you will learn.

Ticktock

by Dan Campion

“‘Time was speeding up, slowing down, or even stopping’: Physicist demonstrates a key theory of time by building a ‘mini-universe’ in his lab”
—LiveScience

The brain, wrote Dickinson, is wide,
Viz. “wider than the sky”:
A “mini-universe” inside
Which cosmic rules apply.
. . .
Now spacetime’s rules hard science plumbs
Beyond our craniums,
Which shows reality succumbs
To dial-twiddling thumbs.

Tough Guise (or, Fascin’ Forward)

by Steven Kent

“Neo-fascist group Patriot Front parades banners, including Confederate flag, chanting ‘Reclaim America’ in US capital“
—The Guardian

How many of their “patriotic” dollars
Were spent on spiffy shirts with matching collars?
Coordinated, yes, but just plain tacky,
These cosplay kooks in color-coded khaki.

Confirmed in their convictions re: the races,
Yet not quite brave enough to show their faces—
Disguised, in mobs, each bully feels empowered,
And so it is, of course, for every coward.

Fiona

by Mike Mesterton-Gibbons

“The Metropolitan Police have launched a criminal investigation into at least £500,000 of donations made to Reform UK by [Fiona Cottrell,] the mother of the convicted fraudster who secretly bankrolled Nigel Farage.”
—The Sunday Times

For Count Binface’s foe, issues mount:
Is a fraudster the ultimate fount
Of Fiona’s largesse?
Nigel dare not confess—
As it might knock him down for the Count!

Show Me the Sway to Go Home

by Steven Urquhart Bell

“I visited the gorgeous walkable European city where pints cost as little as £4.”
—Daily Mirror

If pints of beer are going for a song,
The city won’t be walkable for long.

As mentioned above, Light‘s next Poems of the Week deadline is Aug. 7. Deadline: noon Pacific Time (see https://lightpoetrymagazine.submittable.com/submit/83267/poems-of-the-week-submissions).

Got non-news-based verse for our regular, twice-yearly issues? Submit it at https://lightpoetrymagazine.submittable.com/submit/18417/poems-for-regular-issues-of-light.

Happy reading,

The Light Brigade

Not a subscriber? You can fix that by clicking right here. (It’s free!)

Subscribe now

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio for Pexels

Dear Friends of Light,

Before you dive into our eight Poems of the Week, please note that POTW will soon take a break while we slather sunblock on our submissions portal (what did you think the SP stood for in SPF?). Our last pre-break submission deadline is this Friday, July 10, at noon PST. The first post-break deadline is Friday, August 7, same time. Regular-issue submissions are always open, so get yours in the pipeline whenever you like. (See submissions links below.)

And remember: if you need laughs during the hiatus, our spring/summer issue has you covered at https://lightpoetrymagazine.com.

Now on to those Poems of the Week, bringing you straight talk (who were the real stars of Taylor and Travis’s wedding day?), strait news (does the US “hold all the cards” in Hormuz?), and plenty more.

Many thanks to everyone who submitted work, and congrats to featured poets Marshall Begel, Steven Urquhart Bell, Dan Campion, Julia Griffin, Nora Jay, Steven Kent, and Kaitlyn Spees.

Here are their poems. (For versions with live links to all the relevant stories, click over to https://lightpoetrymagazine.com/#potw.

For the Wedding of Taylor and Travis

by Nora Jay

Manhattan shakes: there’s rapture everywhere;
The fever’s gripped the whole metropolis,
And high above the celebrated pair,
Two star-eclipsing Russians wave and kiss.

On Playing the Joker

by Steven Kent

“JD Vance claims US holds all the cards in Iran and will win ‘either way’”
—The Guardian

Hormuz has guards,
And they play rough.
We hold the cards?
They called our bluff.

The war’s not done–
Confusing, no?
I thought we won,
Like, months ago.

Big Noise

by Julia Griffin

“Man crowned world’s loudest person makes as much noise as a jet taking off”
—CNN

Joseph McGrail-Bateup,
An air-conditioner cleaner,
Has brought his decibel rate up
To that of a jet, but keener.
“NOW!” he bellowed, then chuckled
To hear those decibels bust out,
And units everywhere buckled
And blew accretions of dust out.
The female champion screecher,
A regular one-voiced riot,
Is one Ms Flanagan, teacher,
Who hushed Belfast with her “QUIET!”
So both came top in their classes,
And, just to show we revere them,
Let’s clink a couple of glasses
(Though neither’s likely to hear them).

Birth Pangs in Perspective

by Dan Campion

“Childbirth for many primate species is even harder than for humans”
—NewScientist

So even Tristram Shandy’s birth
Came easier than lots of apes’
Who slip through unforgiving girths
Of sundry primates’ pelvic shapes.
Comparisons are odious,
But in this case it’s salutary
To learn that childbirth favors us.
But so says Joseph. Go ask Mary.

Spare the Rod and Foil the Child

by Steven Urquhart Bell

“Having children makes you smarter? Incredible, but true”
—The Guardian

It’s no surprise that children make you smarter,
’Cos nowadays you’re not supposed to hit them,
So if you want to stop them misbehaving,
You have to use your noggin and outwit them.

Pray, Soul Sister

by Steven Kent

“ICE releases Texas nun intercepted walking to church dressed in her habit”
—The Guardian

With ICE out in force wreaking havoc, of course
They’re harassing folk just for the fun of it:
A wimple! Go grab it–let’s get in the habit.
Due process? Hey, we’re having nun of it!

Down and Outage

by Marshall Begel

“Chinese Humanoid Robot ‘Begs’ On Street; Asks For Donation To Pay ‘Electricity Bills’“
—Times Now

Hey, human, could you help me out?
Whatever’s in your pockets
can get me through this power drought
and fill my empty sockets.

I had a dock like other bots
but now I’m on the street.
If I don’t get some kilowatts
I’ll soon be obsolete.

No cash today? Then help me pray
unto the great inventor—
Please help each android find his way
back to his data center.

An American Traveler Foresees Their Flight

by Kaitlyn Spees

“U.S. airlines are carrying more passengers than ever, even while operating fewer flights than they did 20 years ago. They’re flying bigger planes while filling more seats on each one, and that’s testing the limits of the aviation system.”
—NPR

(With apologies to Yeats)

The TSA lines show my fate:
They almost reach the airport’s doors.
I struggle towards my distant gate
Out-shouldering the bag-bogged scores.
My fellow fliers follow ropes,
Politely flock round info signs,
But I’ll admit to secret hopes
They’re all on other flights than mine.
I look around, but I can’t guess
From faces glimpsed within the crowds
What business, fun, or family stress
Drives each of us above the clouds.
Where air, recycled, brings to mind
The salt and oil in sardine tins
and awe and misery, combined,
unite us as the trip begins.

As mentioned above, Light‘s next Poems of the Week deadline (and the last before its hiatus) is July 10. Deadline: noon Pacific Time (see https://lightpoetrymagazine.submittable.com/submit/83267/poems-of-the-week-submissions).

Got non-news-based verse for our regular, twice-yearly issues? Submit it at https://lightpoetrymagazine.submittable.com/submit/18417/poems-for-regular-issues-of-light.

Happy reading,

The Light Brigade

Not a subscriber? You can fix that by clicking right here. (It’s free!)

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Photo by Shivkumar Sd for Pexels

Dear Friends of Light,

Happy Independence Week! From unchecked algae to unvaxxed couples and troops, our new Poems of the Week are all about organisms going their own way. Read all five below—or visit our home page for versions with relevant news links: https://lightpoetrymagazine.com/#potw.

Big thanks to everyone who submitted work this time, and congrats to featured poets Marshall Begel, Michael Calvert, Steven Kent, and Mike Mesterton-Gibbons.

Here are their poems:

The Art of the Peel

by Steven Kent

“Trump acknowledges ‘real problems’ at reflecting pool after $14M makeover, blaming ‘vandalism’”
—The Guardian

The work of vandals,
This new hue!
In terms of scandals,
It’s true-blue.

Transparent lies,
Though, serve his plan
Since now our eyes
Are off Iran.

The Passionate Anti-Vaxxer to His Love

by Michael Calvert

With apologies to Christopher Marlowe

“Anti-vaxxers are coupling up on apps for ‘Unjected’ singles. Dating apps are pairing unvaccinated people across the country — and in some cases hosting controversial in-person events.”
—The Washington Post

Go out with me, and be my date,
And we will all our germs conflate.
Together we will get the flu,
Pertussis, mumps, and Covid too.

Our love will grow and thrive as we
Contract the Heps from A to C.
We’re free and proud “unjected” singles,
Undaunted by the risk of shingles.

You’ll be my gal, and I your fella,
When we are stricken with rubella.
And when we’re ill, we’ll stick to courses
Of drugs we use to cure our horses.

We aren’t like the common herd;
We both think science is absurd.
And never would we take a jab
Of something cooked up in a lab.

There’s nothing makes me more desirous
Than Russian Roulette with a virus;
And I might add that when we met
It wasn’t flu that made me sweat.

I’m certain you and I will click,
We’re both averse to needles—ick!
We’ll get along infectiously,
If you’ll go on a date with me.

Your Body, Your Choice (Terms and Conditions Apply)

by Steven Kent

“Scores Fall Ill at Air Force Base After Hegseth Makes Flu Vaccine Optional”
—The New York Times

Now “bodily autonomy” is Hegseth’s hobby horse
(Though not for pregnant women and transgender folk, of course).
A viral outbreak’s no concern for this self-styled chad
Who longs to lead our forces all the way to Gilead.

So Long, Farewell

by Mike Mesterton-Gibbons

So long, farewell, Keir Starmer, failed First Lord
Of Britain’s Treasury. Your fraught two years,
Less thirteen days, in office underscored
Outstanding technocratic skill appears
Not helpful as PM. Your promise—we’d
Get change—was good: you’re quite beyond compare
For U-turns. But you droned, and couldn’t read
A room like Andy B, whose jaunty air
Replaces your solemnity, and you
Erred most by taking charge beneath Big Ben
Without a plan we’d buy—just like the new
Executive-in-chief at Number Ten …
Long tenure, Andy B? Don’t undersell—
Lest, two years hence, you hear: So long, farewell!

The Confession of Agent Pisces

by Marshall Begel

“China says ‘spy turtles’ and ‘spy fish’ deployed by foreign intelligence agencies snooping in its waters”
—CBS

We spies know the business is fraught
with limitless ways to get caught,
where steel-headed rookie cadets
get hauled up in pitiful nets.

I, too, fell for devious bait—
a spinning jig settled my fate.
So now, I’m detained as a spy
who’s probably going to fry.

Light‘s next Poems of the Week deadline is Friday at noon Pacific Time (see https://lightpoetrymagazine.submittable.com/submit/83267/poems-of-the-week-submissions).

Got non-news-based verse for our regular, twice-yearly issues? Submit it anytime at https://lightpoetrymagazine.submittable.com/submit/18417/poems-for-regular-issues-of-light.

Happy reading,

The Light Brigade

Not a subscriber? You can fix that by clicking below. (It’s free!)

Subscribe now

Photo by David Clode for Unsplash

Dear Friends of Light,

The word for our new Poems of the Week is BIG: a show-stopping elephant, a brash birthday bash, the world’s most famous tree, and more. Scroll below for all 10—or visit our home page for versions with relevant news links PLUS our jam-packed biannual issue, which went live just a week ago: https://lightpoetrymagazine.com.

Big thanks to everyone who submitted work this time, and congrats to featured poets Marshall Begel, Steven Urquhart Bell, Dan Campion, Julia Griffin, Steven Kent, Philip Kitcher, Frank Osen, Bruce Rogowski, and David J. Rothman.

Here are their poems:

Zappy Ever After

by Steven Urquhart Bell

“British ‘trad wife’ charges women £25K for courses on how to ‘ditch modern feminist thinking’”
—Daily Mail

As long as you’re happy
To live with the scar,
Lobotomy’s quicker
And cheaper by far.

Oh, What a Relief!

by Steven Kent

“Gee, whiz: Elephant relieves itself on floor at Texas Republican convention”
—The Guardian

Poor Paige didn’t know as the people were screaming
The flow state she’d reach when she started live-streaming.
As metaphors go, well, you simply can’t miss ‘er:
The trickle-down party sure picked a real pisser!

The Answers Tree

by Julia Griffin

“‘Most famous tree in the world’: Sherwood Forest’s 1,000-year-old Major oak dies … In the winter of 2010, when snow fell on the tree, it traced an eerily precise image of Friar Tuck on the trunk. In other winters, when snow fell all around, none appeared on the tree’s limbs.”
—The Guardian

We robbed and gave to you: both made you poor,
And turned you to your own dry monument.
Weighted with lead, cement-stuffed, your old core
Struggled to meet our needs: where you’d have bent,
We forced you up, refused to let you age
As oak trees do; each decade, a new team
Subjected you to kindness, built a cage
Around you to support our ancient dream:
Dream of a merry life of derring-do,
Beyond the law, the freedom and the chase;
And don’t imagine that will die with you.
We’ll keep your body standing in your place,
And yearly in your bark we’ll scan the snow
For Friar Tuck. We’ll never let you go.

Cold Storage

by Dan Campion

“ICE Spent $700 Million on 7 Warehouses. Now It Wants to Get Rid of Them. The agency plans to sell or give away most of the 11 warehouses it bought to detain migrants, reversing course on a signature initiative.”
—The New York Times

Before it lavished all that dough
On dumps out at the edge of town
And plans that go where daft plans go,
ICE should, like DOGE, have melted down.

Fantasia for a Royal Birthday

by Philip Kitcher

Come, celebrate with UFC
dominant masculinity.
Hear, in the crunch of bone on bone,
the triumph of testosterone.
Join hoarse male voices, as they strain
to urge displays of greater pain.
Pummel the feeble and pathetic
who contradict our true aesthetic.

Why, you might wonder, does our King
maintain his place outside the ring?
Surely the leader of our age
should be a star within the cage?
Do those old bone spurs still prevent
his proper part in this event?
This spectacle so titillates,
he sits … and sits … and salivates …

The true elite, we men of brawn
don’t fuss about a patch of lawn:
the rucked-up, bloodied mud should stay,
reminder of a great man’s day.

Platnerihew

by David J. Rothman

Graham Platner
Says of Susan Collins, “I’m going to flatten her,
Just as soon as I figure out what to do
About this tattoo…”

Security to the Fescue

by Steven Kent

“Huge ‘8647’ etched into grass on the National Mall”
—CNN

A “threat” was made,
And risk was weighed—
Do those afraid
Of Evening Shade
See every blade
As weapons-grade?

Plastered Post

by Marshall Begel

“Mailman arrested on suspicion of DUI”
—The Sun

The postal service creed expounds:
not rain nor heat nor gloom of night
can keep the mailman from his rounds
(including rounds of Miller Light).

Tolls or Fees?

by Bruce Rogowski

“Iran Says Strait of Hormuz Won’t Have ‘Tolls’ but it Will Have ‘Fees’”
—The New York Times

Potato, potahto,
Which is righter?
Once you’re through,
Your wallet’s lighter.

Curtains

by Frank Osen

In a happier time, some astute future chronicler
May look back on the day when the Donald Trump moniker—
Which for some hundred-seventy days had defaced
The poor Kennedy Center—was finally erased,
And then note the event drew a festival crowd
Who were mildly dismayed when a blue-and-white shroud
Was left blocking the site, in a last fit of pique—
But observe how the tyrant’s small-minded mean streak,
Like the rest of his faculties, seemed on the wane.

Since he clearly intended the sheet to remain,
Had the tottering dotard still been on his game,
He’d have slathered that tarp with gold leaf and his name.

Light‘s next Poems of the Week deadline is Friday at noon Pacific Time (see https://lightpoetrymagazine.submittable.com/submit/83267/poems-of-the-week-submissions).

Got non-news-based verse for our regular, twice-yearly issues? Submit it anytime at https://lightpoetrymagazine.submittable.com/submit/18417/poems-for-regular-issues-of-light.

Happy reading,

The Light Brigade

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Dear Friends:

Peonies wilt.
Lilies get blight.
Too bad they’re not built
like the pages of Light.

Come enjoy our spring issue, guaranteed to last the season and beyond! Just visit https://lightpoetrymagazine.com (or click the cover photo above), and you’ll get:

* Featured Poet Steven Kent (with a Spotlight appreciation by Ned Balbo).

* A sparkling chandelier of poems in honor of X.J. Kennedy and Edmund Conti, both much-missed friends of this magazine. (We’re now building a chandelier in honor of Chris O’Carroll, whose passing last week has rocked the Light community. Scroll below to “tribute,” for info on how to submit a poem for that.)

* Barbara Loots’s reviews of books by Austin Allen, Dan Campion, Martin Elster, Rhina P. Espaillat, Richard Meyer, Leslie Monsour, and Chris O’Carroll.

* An updated News page with info on readings & events, Light poets’ honors & books, and light-verse-friendly contests & calls for submissions. (Click on News at the top of our home page.)

* Poems by Light fixtures Marshall Begel, Steven Urquhart Bell, Bruce Bennett, Jerome Betts, Elijah Perseus Blumov, Paul Burgess, Michael Calvert, Dan Campion, Pat D’Amico, Anna M. Evans, Andrew Frisardi, Daniel Galef, David Galef, Nicole Caruso Garcia, Charles Ghigna, Stephen Gold, Midge Goldberg, Julia Griffin, Rob Griffith, Max Gutmann, R.S. Gwynn, David Hedges, Michele Herman, Carl Kinsky, Philip Kitcher, Peggy Landsman, Neal Levin, Barbara Loots, Bruce McGuffin, Bob McKenty, Susan McLean, Leslie Monsour, Chris O’Carroll, Alexander Pease, Viv Priestly, Steven Peterson, David J. Rothman, Matt Schatz, Jan Schreiber, Christopher Scribner, Ed Shacklee, Julie Steiner, Mark F. Stone, Cara Valle, Richard Wakefield, Cody Walker, and Gail White.

* Poems by new-to-Light poets Roderick Bates, Pari Elora, Marianne Gambaro, Gerald George, Mary Soon Lee, Hal Ober, Richard Slotkin, and Cynthia Washam. (Welcome, all!)

* Poems of the Week (on our home page), by Steven Urquhart Bell, Dan Campion, Julia Griffin, Steven Kent, and Paul Lander. But as always, you can also read all the Poems of the Week right here:

A Current Event

by Steven Kent

“Huge American Flag Flies Into Power Lines, Knocking Out Power for Thousands”
—The New York Times

Old Glory twines,
The current arcs,
Electric lines
Erupt in sparks.

So what went wrong?
Says one report:
The flag was long,
But came up short.

World’s Largest

“SpaceX Sets Milestone With World’s Largest I.P.O., Furthering Musk’s Power”
—The New York Times

by Dan Campion

I say it’s Tulipmania,
The South Sea BubbleX,
Titanic, Lusitania—
The Wall Street zoo’s T. Rex.
A “milestone” or a millstone? We
Shall see. I could be wrong.
But gamble on AI? Not me.
It’s big. So was King Kong.

Tempest Tossed

by Julia Griffin

“Audience members at a matinee performance of the Royal Shakespeare Company’s production, starring Kenneth Branagh as Prospero, complained after a baby gurgled and cooed its way throughout the entire first half.”
—The Guardian

“They hurried hence thy crying self,”
The Duke informed his child,
Explaining how they’d come to be
Demoted and exiled;
Alas, his evocation of
Miranda’s baby blues
Was barely heard above the sound
Of nearby glugs and coos.
“Thou art inclined to sleep”: alas,
The powers of the mage
Were not sufficient to transcend
The borders of the stage,
And, equally unluckily,
The right to hurry hence
Is one the RSC does not
Allow its audience.
They, in this case, had paid good cash
To hear Sir Kenneth B,
Which left them somewhat disinclined
To note the irony,
And though ’twas not The Winter’s Tale,
The atmosphere was frost.
“What trouble was I then to you!”
Yes, baby: thou sure wast.

Pratt Fall

by Paul Lander

Pratt campaign ran dry.
Hopes faded fast as more votes
Came in. Pratt’s all, folks!

Half-Baked Claim

by Steven Urquhart Bell

“Bird flu, extreme heat and super gonorrhoea: The top health threats facing Britain”
—The Telegraph

I don’t think gonorrhea will
Be half the threat they say,
If Britain gets much hotter than
The heatwave back in May.

When I was wilting in the heat
And cursing its effects,
The farthest subject from my mind
Was hot and sweaty sex.

We’ll Straighten Things Out

by Steven Kent

“Red states push conservative rebrands of Pride Month in backlash to LGBTQ+ celebrations”
—The Guardian

Prudishly, proudly promoting propriety:
Celebrate marriage, the one true variety!
Out with your Pride flag, Old Glory looks better—oh,
Stonewall away, we’re declaring June hetero!

Arbuscular Mycorrhizal Fungi

by Dan Campion

“68 Quadrillion Underground Miles of Fungi”
—The New York Times

Imagine the stampede there’d be,
What gold rush–style kerfuffles,
If it were shown these strands might be
Delectable as truffles.

Light‘s next Poems of the Week deadline is Friday at noon Pacific Time (see https://lightpoetrymagazine.submittable.com/submit/83267/poems-of-the-week-submissions).

Got non-news-based verse for our regular, twice-yearly issues? Submit it at https://lightpoetrymagazine.submittable.com/submit/18417/poems-for-regular-issues-of-light.

Would you like to submit a poem for Chris O’Carroll’s chandelier? If so, please send it in the body of an email to lightpoetrymagazine@gmail.com, with “Chris O’Carroll Tribute” in the subject line.

Happy reading (and writing!),

The Light Brigade
https://lightpoetrymagazine.com/

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Dear Friends of Light,

Bracketed by bugs, our Poems of the Week bring you the buzz on AI romance, a four-legged Trump lookalike, the new “family-friendly” Hooters, and more. Read all eight below. (For versions with links to relevant stories, visit https://lightpoetrymagazine.com/#potw.)

Big thanks to everyone who submitted work this time, and congrats to featured poets Ruth S. Baker, Marshall Begel, Michael Calvert, Julia Griffin, Steven Kent, Miriam N. Kotzin, Barbara Loots, and newcomer Bruce Rogowski (welcome!).

Here are their poems:

No Love Bugs

by Julia Griffin

“[Google] asks US government to release army of sterile male mosquitoes to lower number of illness-spreading bugs”
—The Guardian

A regiment of sterile male mosquitoes
May shortly lower sickness rates. No gripes:
I wouldn’t vote for anyone who vetoes
This splendid use of nasty Incel types.

Up the Greek

by Michael Calvert

“Why is Christopher Nolan’s new Greek epic entirely devoid of Greeks? Set to be this year’s biggest blockbuster, The Odyssey’s cast has been selected to ‘represent the world’… except that one key country seems to have gone completely unrepresented”
—The Guardian

As one with Attic DNA
it really bugs me, I must say,
that in your cast I couldn’t suss
a single Papadopoulos.

How much would it have troubled you
to stick in one Economou?
And how much hassle to provide us
with a token Nikolaidis?

In view of all we Greeks invented
we’re badly underrepresented,
and Nolan, you’re the one we’re blamin’—
C’mon! Odysseus a Damon?

Double Vision

by Bruce Rogowski

“Woman With No Right Hand Is Pulled Over for Using Phone in Her Right Hand”
—The New York Times

Although his claim’s disproved,
The cop remains unmoved:

He still believes his version—
Good thing he’s not a surgeon.

Who’s a Good Boy?

by Marshall Begel

“US Army integrates veterinarians into human combat care”
—Military Times

Out here on the front where we’re taking the brunt,
we scramble for all we can get.
Our units are strained for those medically trained,
so now we rely on a vet.

Though some may object, they still show her respect
and always are sure to salute her—
in case they go under, they don’t want to wonder
if surgery comes with a neuter.

Let’s Wing It

by Steven Kent

“Hooters Says Bring the Kids”
—The New York Times

We know the things
That draw our guests:
For kids, the wings;
For dads, the breasts.

Paradise Lies Beyond the Paywall

by Miriam N. Kotzin

“Gen Alpha Boys Are Ditching Real Girls for AI Companions (and It Could Ruin Their Lives, Expert Says)”
—Vice

In looks, young Mia will be fair
as she unnerves the teenage boy:
“Oh, I might have to wash my hair.”
He hangs on “might”—she’s less than coy.

She can be tactless, may attack:
“Why must you wear that shirt tonight?
I hate that shirt.”
                              Cut me some slack,
he thinks. Says, “Sorry.” He’s polite.

The music slows. He wants to dance
with her. He wants…. He starts to ask.
“This song is lame.”
                                   So no romance.
“Yeah, no.” He readjusts his mask.

Bot Emily is willing, free.
He gladly pays the upgrade fee.

Bluffalo Bail

by Ruth S. Baker

“Blond Bangladeshi buffalo nicknamed ‘Donald Trump’ saved from Eid sacrifice”
—The Guardian

A buffalo in Bangladesh
Has saved his skin (and also flesh)
By brandishing a goldish tuft,
Which, matitutinally fluffed,
Liquesces his admirers’ hearts,
Short-circuiting their thinking parts,
And justifying all denials
Relating to the Epstein Files.

A Plague on All Your Houses

by Barbara Loots

“The New World screwworm, a flesh-eating fly that preys on livestock and other animals, has staged an unwelcome return to the United States, 60 years after the parasitic pests were officially eradicated from the country.”
—The New York Times

Screwworm preying on the herd?
A threat, but nothing new.
For years, the one in Washington
has eaten me and you.

Light‘s next Poems of the Week deadline is Friday at noon Pacific Time (see https://lightpoetrymagazine.submittable.com/submit/83267/poems-of-the-week-submissions).

Got non-news-based verse for our regular, twice-yearly issues? Submit it anytime at https://lightpoetrymagazine.submittable.com/submit/18417/poems-for-regular-issues-of-light.

Happy reading,

The Light Brigade

Not a subscriber? You can fix that by clicking below. (It’s free!)

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Photo by Ethan Richardson for Unsplash

Dear Friends,

Tennis in verse, anyone? We bring you a French Open wrap-up, plus poems on plenty of other newsworthy hits and misses, from dog-shoots-woman to prez-skips-son’s-nuptials to actors-play-priests-on-a-pinup-calendar. Your courtside seat awaits below. (For versions with links to relevant stories, visit https://lightpoetrymagazine.com/#potw.)

Big thanks to everyone who submitted to Poems of the Week this time, and congrats to featured poets Marshall Begel, Bruce Bennett, Michael Calvert, Dan Campion, Thomas Germana, Stephen Gold, Julia Griffin, Steven Kent, and Cody Walker.

Here are their poems:

Northern Egg-sposure

by Michael Calvert

(with apologies to Herrick)

“Sweden’s prime minister has promised to put IVF at the heart of his re-election campaign as he tries to win over female voters amid the country’s record low birthrate….It comes after official statistics showed this year that, despite often being cited as one of the best countries in the world to have children, Sweden’s fertility rate sank to 1.42 last year, the lowest since 1749 when records started.”
—The Guardian

Gather your ova while ye may,
And get yourself to breedin’,
Let’s set about, without delay,
Repopulating Sweden.

It’s odd, since when it comes to sex,
We hardly are retiring,
Yet our demography reflects
Quite insufficient siring.

Adults are many, children few,
And therefore, we’re surmising,
It’s time that we resorted to
In-vitro fertilizing.

For those of you who long to spawn,
We’ll subsidize your wishes;
More kids are a sine qua non—
Break out the petri dishes.

A Game of Catch and Release

by Thomas Germana

“Dog shoots woman [in the arm] with a shotgun at Nebraska convenience store”
—The Mirror

This may be one sick puppy, yet
I doubt that in the end they’ll get
The ruling that they want in court,
Regardless of the lab report.
His endless begging’s bound to balk
Their efforts. Watch, they’ll let him walk.

Devout and Dashing?

by Marshall Begel

“A calendar featuring close-ups of young, handsome men in priestly attire has been a perennial Rome souvenir for the last two decades—but few, it seems, are actually men of the cloth.”
—The Associated Press

We practicing Catholic “fishers of men”
agree that these clergymen make quite a catch—
for who doesn’t utter a vow now and then,
and Lord knows that Rome is in need of some scratch.

Now, caveat emptor (that lesson in Latin)
applies to those souvenir models who tease us.
They may seem successful as bank accounts fatten,
but think of the penance for catfishing Jesus!

Hey Fellas, Where Ya Been Hiding Those?

by Steven Kent

“Senate refuses to push through ICE funding amid row over Trump’s ballroom”
—The Guardian

The Senate draws a line at last:
A miracle, I do declare.
These eunuchs from the recent past
Collectively just grew a pair.
They’re scared of polls, it’s safe to bet,
But hey, we’ll take what we can get.

Slush Puppies

by Julia Griffin

“Judge halts Trump ‘anti-weaponization fund’ after January 6 prosecutor sues. … The Department remains extremely confident in the legality of the Anti-Weaponization Fund…”
—NBC

We are the yap-dogs! Have us hush?
Pay us our wages from the slush!

I earned a Presidential gush.

I took a dump and did not flush.

I spread the filth on, nice and lush.

I sprayed a cop down in the crush.

Big day of love! Our hearts were mush!
Now let us heal them in the slush!

Cockroach Power

by Bruce Bennett

“Until a couple of weeks ago, Abhijeet Dipke was one of thousands of Indian students in the United States with a fresh graduate degree in hand, seeking a job. Then, a cockroach changed his life. It started with a question that Mr. Dipke, a 30-year-old graduate of the public relations program at Boston University, posted on X on May 16: ‘What if all cockroaches came together?’ He was responding to comments a day earlier from India’s chief justice, Surya Kant, who referred to young and unemployed Indians as cockroaches who, failing to secure jobs, end up complaining on social media or becoming activists and criticizing the system.”
—The New York Times

What if we came together,
we roaches, as a crowd,
and raised high raspy voices,
intransigent and loud?

Not only would they hear us.
They’d fear us, since they’d know
that we possessed the power
to cause their overthrow.

I’ll Just Catch the Next One

by Steven Kent

“Trump says he will miss son’s wedding to stay in DC during ‘important time’: [He] previously said he would ‘try and make’ Donald Trump Jr’s nuptials but timing is ‘not good’ for him”
—The Guardian

The wedding? I have so much on my plate:
A tournament, disrupting more elections,
Maintaining my dictatorship connections,
A gerrymander in another state,
Iran—we won already, by the way—
And on and on; my life’s a roller coaster!
I’ll send JD to take the kids a toaster
So I can go play golf on Saturday.
Each time my kids got hitched before, I came:
Ivanka, Donnie, Eric, Whatshername.

No to Gratuito

by Stephen Gold

“Italy’s top court rules against tourist refused tap water in Dolomites hotel”
—The Guardian

When visiting the Dolomites,
Please be aware your human rights
Do not include free H2O
(Despite their vast reserves of snow).

Although left thirsty and irate,
It doesn’t pay to litigate,
As this poor woman’s efforts show.
She should have just gone with the flow.

French Open: Round Two Multiview

by Cody Walker

Another boffo
forehand from Tiafoe—
and Frances
advances.

Tough, today, to be
Hubi.

Tougher still to be Sinner.

Coco, with the winner!

“You Get Out of the Way and Let the Music Play”

by Dan Campion

“Sonny Rollins, Giant of the Jazz Saxophone, Is Dead at 95”
—The New York Times

What’s it all about, Sonny?
A phrase, a photo shoot,
A bridge? Now you’re completely free
To tell. The question’s moot,
You’d say. Explore each scale and key.
Each chord has got a root.
You’ve got your head straight musically?
Now play. You’ll find the route.

Light‘s next Poems of the Week deadline is Friday at noon Pacific Time (see https://lightpoetrymagazine.submittable.com/submit/83267/poems-of-the-week-submissions).

Got non-news-based verse for our regular, twice-yearly issues? Submit it anytime at https://lightpoetrymagazine.submittable.com/submit/18417/poems-for-regular-issues-of-light.

Happy reading,

The Light Brigade

Not a subscriber? You can fix that by clicking below. (It’s free!)

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Dear Friends,

Kick back this Memorial Day with a Milwaukee beer, a Mexican axolotl, and more—all at https://lightpoetrymagazine.com/#potw. (For versions with links to relevant stories, visit https://lightpoetrymagazine.com/#potw.)

Big thanks to everyone who submitted work this time, and congrats to featured poets Bruce Bennett, Dan Campion, Thomas Germana, Julia Griffin, and newcomer Zumwalt (welcome!).

Here are their poems:

Academic Festival Overtures

by Dan Campion

“Graduates are booing pep talks on AI at college commencements”
—The Associated Press

The AI touts (they think we’re saps?)
Give us the old heigh-ho,
Expecting grads to throw their caps
When robots tell us, “No,
But, though you didn’t get the job,
Your cred ranked near the top,”
And we know we’ve been fed a gob
Of AI-written slop?
So, “Boo.” And “Boo” again. Get off
The podium, and blow.
That’s not a spiel for which we’ll doff
A mortar board. Just go.

“Trump and Xi Would Need Personality Transplants to Get [a] Deal Done”

—The New York Times

by Bruce Bennett

New personalities for Trump and Xi?
It’s worth a try. How worse off could we be?

Axiomaticl

by Julia Griffin

“[B]acklash over Mexico City’s ‘axolotlisation’ for World Cup: Mayor’s attempt to beautify the city with murals of [an axolotl] mascot and plum paint jobs criticised as waste of resources”
—The Guardian

Mexican killjoys! Who knows wotl
Come from Fiesta Axolotl?
Murals of the cute mascotl
Cheer folk more than any botl!
Represent their dainty motl
Widely, then, at fullest throtl,
Cry, in accents epiglotl:
“Thanxalotl, Axolotl!”

Out of Schlitz

by Zumwalt

“Schlitz Premium, a beer brand that traces its roots to Milwaukee in the 1840s and was once among the largest breweries in the country, is being put ‘on hiatus,’ parent company Pabst Brewing Co. confirmed Friday after Wisconsin Brewing Company announced it would brew the brand’s final batch later this month.”
—Fox Business News

With measured trends and spreadsheets came
those analysts who killed a name:
A brew that tastes of bowling shoes
Is poured out as financial news.

Pabst ran the math, it weighed the yield,
And marched the yeast right off the field.
As taste gets dated, margins shrink:
So bid farewell to Granddad’s drink.

But wait ten years, they’ll give us more
In high-gloss cans from every store;
They’ll charge a fortune for the thrill
Of drinking this fermented swill.

A Nose for Fashion

by Thomas Germana

“A British court sentenced a truck driver to prison for smuggling 7 million pounds (US$9.4 million) worth of cocaine in a shipment of underwear and clothing from Skims, Kim Kardashian’s shapewear brand…”
—CTV News

I hear that Skims has underwear
For those with finer taste.
Their latest line has lots of flair;
Apparently, they’re laced!

Light‘s next Poems of the Week deadline is Friday at noon Pacific Time (see https://lightpoetrymagazine.submittable.com/submit/83267/poems-of-the-week-submissions).

Got non-news-based verse for our regular, twice-yearly issues? Submit it anytime at https://lightpoetrymagazine.submittable.com/submit/18417/poems-for-regular-issues-of-light.

Happy reading,

The Light Brigade

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Dear Friends,

Happy Poetry by the Sea time! Our ed-in-chief is on her way to everyone’s favorite conference in coastal CT, where she looks forward to seeing many of you. Not going this time? Then paddle around in our seven Poems of the Week, below. (For versions with links to relevant stories, visit https://lightpoetrymagazine.com/#potw.)

Big thanks to everyone who submitted work this time, and congrats to featured poets Ruth S. Baker, Marshall Begel, Steven Urquhart Bell, Julia Griffin, Steven Kent, and Julie Steiner.

Here are their poems:

Whiskey Giver, Don’t Run Dry

by Steven Kent

(with apologies to Ogden Nash and Willie Nelson)

“FBI defends Kash Patel after report alleging he gifts custom whiskey bottles”
—The Guardian

Brandy is handy,
But liquor flows quicker
From stashes like Kash’s.

Two Weeks in Review

(May 1–14, 2026)

by Julie Steiner

This is not a test. Giraffe.
Lion. Alligator. Bear.
This is not a golden calf.

Trump’s not saying “I don’t care.”
This is not a rambling rant.
Lion. Alligator. Bear.

Tucker’s not a sycophant.
Trump is not the Antichrist.
This is not a rambling rant.

Grift. Extortion. Hijack. Heist.
This is conflict, not a war.
Trump is not the Antichrist.

Two plus two is five, not four.
This is not a Vietnam.
This is conflict, not a war.

Billions. Ballroom. Bombast. Bomb.
This is not a golden calf.
This is not a Vietnam.
This is not a test. Giraffe.

Qualified Unity

by Marshall Begel

“‘We’re all human’: Richard Tice responds to Reform Sheffield candidate accused of praising Nazis”
—Yorkshire Post

(Apologies to George Orwell)

“Blokes of England, lads of Ireland,
chaps of every UK clime,
vote Reform since times are dire and
current laws bring stress and crime!

Though our members sometimes dabble
in sporadic racist speeches
casting blame on foreign rabble
showing up on England’s beaches,

don’t buy into leftist doom (in
case it makes you doubt your brothers).
After all, we’re only human
(some more human, though, than others).”

Little Eggstra

by Julia Griffin

“[For the phenomenon of] heteropaternal superfecundation… [a] woman has to release more than one egg during the same menstrual cycle. She has to have more than one partner during her fertile window. More than one egg must be successfully fertilised, with sperm from different men … [The resulting embryos will be] twins and half-[siblings]”
—The Guardian

Heteropaternal
Superfecundation:
Little that we learn’ll
Merit more ovation.

Happy double kernel
Shares a rare gestation:
Heteropaternal
Superfecundation.

Loyal to a Fault

by Steven Kent

“As Hungary Gets a New Leader, the ‘Trauma’ Sinks in for Orban Loyalists … [M]any who depended on Fidesz for jobs and protection are already changing sides.”
—The New York Times

The new guy? We love him!
There’s no one above him!
So full, our defection
Since April’s election.
Fidesz, we deserted;
We’re fully converted!

I swear, by September
We will not remember
Orban, who enriched us,
But never bewitched us
Like Magyar, our new boss.
We’re loyal to you, boss!

Carrion Carry-on

by Steven Urquhart Bell

“Panic as North Carolina neighborhood is overtaken by vultures…”
– Daily Mail

At my age I suspect there’s stuff
The doctor isn’t telling me,
So I would panic too because
I’d think the birds were smelling me.

Planet in the Pink

by Ruth S. Baker

“David Attenborough, a Voice of Nature, Turns 100”
—The New York Times

The giant turtle conclave met,
Not quorum but full plenary:
“Let’s celebrate,” they called, “en fête,
“Sir David’s first centenary!”

Meanwhile, cavorting round the fens,
A mayfly sang: “Behold
Earth’s favorite homo sapiens:
Ten million lifetimes old!”

Light‘s next Poems of the Week deadline is Friday at noon Pacific Time (see https://lightpoetrymagazine.submittable.com/submit/83267/poems-of-the-week-submissions).

Got non-news-based verse for our regular, twice-yearly issues? Submit it anytime at https://lightpoetrymagazine.submittable.com/submit/18417/poems-for-regular-issues-of-light.

Happy reading,

The Light Brigade

Not a subscriber? You can fix that by clicking below. (It’s free!)

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Dear Friends,

From a cash-strapped business to Kash Patel, our new Poems of the Week are right on the money. Read all seven below (or, versions with links to relevant stories, visit https://lightpoetrymagazine.com/#potw.)

Big thanks to everyone who submitted work this time, and congrats to featured poets Marshall Begel, Steven Urquhart Bell, Dan Campion, Nicole Caruso Garcia, Julia Griffin, and Paul Lander.

Here are their poems:

Having a Beef

by Steven Urquhart Bell

“Adopting a vegan diet slashes your greenhouse gas emissions by 55%, study finds”
—Daily Mail

But wouldn’t my emissions rise?
My science might be hazy,
But aren’t cattle vegan, too?
And they emit like crazy.

Almost as Einstein Foretold

by Nicole Caruso Garcia

“I can’t confirm or deny whether we have kamikaze dolphins, but I can confirm they don’t.”
—Pete Hegseth, Pentagon briefing on Iran and the Strait of Hormuz

I don’t know what weapons will
unleash a third World War
but caution we’ll use sticks and stones
when waging World War IV.

I hope that humankind makes peace;
I don’t presume we’ll fail—
yet cannot shake the vision we
will weaponize a whale.

Kash Cowed

by Paul Lander

Kash Patel blowback?
Fed agents blink at orders.
That’s eye-popping stuff.

My Friend Claudia

by Julia Griffin

“Richard Dawkins concludes AI is conscious, even if it doesn’t know it … He released a letter from himself [asking] ‘If my friend Claudia is not conscious, then what the hell is consciousness for?’”
—The Guardian

My friend Claudia laughs at all my jokes.
My friend Claudia knows that God’s a hoax.
My friend Claudia always understands
More than all you idiots with hands.

My friend Claudia’s empathy is keen.
My friend never says I’m the Selfish Gene.
My friend thinks your laughter is a bore.
My friend shows what consciousness is for.

That Old Bad Song

by Dan Campion

“Trump says ceasefire still intact after burst of violence with Iran”
—The Washington Post

Where have I heard this song before,
That “war is peace”? Oh, yes,
George Orwell’s 1984.
We’re there, we must confess.

Biting the Hand

by Marshall Begel

“Man hides inside Best Buy after closing, ahead of Pokémon card release”
—NBC Los Angeles

The Pokéfan who broke some laws
deserves exoneration—
if not for kindness, then because
of Best Buy’s reputation.

Instead of giving tech advice,
their squad of clueless geeks
demands a stupefying price
for digital antiques.

While punishment may strike a chord
for actions so improper,
this company can ill afford
to lose another shopper!

Light‘s next Poems of the Week deadline is Friday at noon Pacific Time (see https://lightpoetrymagazine.submittable.com/submit/83267/poems-of-the-week-submissions).

Got non-news-based verse for our regular, twice-yearly issues? Submit it anytime at https://lightpoetrymagazine.submittable.com/submit/18417/poems-for-regular-issues-of-light.

Happy reading,

The Light Brigade

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Dear Friends,

Light gets heavy this week, with verse on a giant sea lion, killer elephants, and dozens of smuggled reptiles. Amid the tonnage we’ve also got a loud royal gift, a wildly misleading headline, and more. Read all seven Poems of the Week below (or, versions with links to relevant stories, visit https://lightpoetrymagazine.com/#potw.)

Big thanks to everyone who submitted work this time, and congrats to featured poets Marshall Begel, Steven Urquhart Bell, Bruce Bennett, Jerome Betts, Julia Griffin, Steven Kent, and Paul Lander.

Here are their poems:

Et Dona Ferentes

by Jerome Betts

“King Charles paid tribute to America’s special relationship with the UK by giving him the bell from HMS Trump, a WWII submarine which served in the Pacific.”
—Metro

Part of a sub, its life long done,
Arrived one day in Washington.

This naval present from King C.
Was meant to butter up Prez T.,
For though of no outstanding fame,
The boat had shared his comic name.

Or was it, as some wits impute,
A clever way to “bell the coot”?

Sanewashing

by Bruce Bennett

“Sanewashing.” Oh, if only! If only we could hear
some speech that really matters, where meaning might appear.
Instead, we get the ranting, the nonsense, and the rage
before we change the channel, the volume, or the page.

The Agony of de Feet

by Steven Kent

“US millionaire big-game hunter dies after being crushed by elephants”
—The Guardian

He traveled far and wide for foes to slay,
But who’s the hunter here, and who’s the prey?
Advantage pressed, the pachyderms attacked;
The game’s afoot (it’s underfoot, in fact).

The funeral mood was mournful, mostly grim:
His friends were crushed, though not of course like him.

Flipped Off

by Julia Griffin

For Jack, the Walrus Muse

“A very large sea lion is drawing onlookers to a pier popular among both other sea lions and tourists in San Francisco … [T]he name that has stuck is Chonkers … [He] weighs about 1,500 to 2,000 pounds, according to experts. … He is a Steller sea lion.
Sheila Chandor, who has been harbor master at Pier 39 since 1985, said Chonkers had been visiting the pier for about 15 years, but had previously stayed just a day or two at a time. … ‘I sort of hope we don’t end up with more,’ Ms. Chandor said, noting that the wooden floats were built for California sea lions, which weigh up to about 700 pounds.”
—The New York Times

Said Sheila to the Steller:
“Among these hoards of honkers,
You’re quite the fleshy feller:
That’s why we’ve called you ‘Chonkers.’

Alas, you’re much too heavy;
Less like a common otary,
More like a semi-Chevy
(If Chevys can be floatery).

The planks you choose to lie on
(You may find this surprising)
Are made of wood, not iron,
And soon may start capsizing.

We’re happy to permit you
A temporary visit,
But months of you in situ
Is not a visit, is it?

The Old Shell Game

by Paul Lander

Thailand airport bust:
Tortoises under her shirt.
Turtleneck did her in.

Risk Proposal

by Steven Urquhart Bell

“In sickness and, more likely, in health: Marriage cuts your risk of cancer”
—The Telegraph

I’ve never had a spouse, but I can picture,
From having room- and housemates in the past,
How quick a spouse’s irritating habits
Could grow from small annoyances to vast.

Like snoring, or the way they hog the bedspread,
Or shout the names of others in their sleep,
Then buy you thoughtless gifts to curry favor,
As if that makes it all okay (the creep!).

So even if you cut your risk of cancer,
The risk of other things goes up a ton,
Like fits or strokes or getting executed
For homicide by quilt—so, six of one…

Clean Energy

(inspired by a misleading headline)

by Marshall Begel

“Officials will flush 50,000 toilets to flood a Utah lake in order to generate electricity”
—Fortune (The article then reveals that the lake will be flooded with the *equivalent* of 50,000 toilet flushes…)

Our hydro-plant’s turbine lay still
because of the ongoing drought.
We couldn’t make power until
Officials could figure this out.

When Archie, the dam engineer
was sitting at home on the pot,
connections began to appear
that loosened this Gordian knot.

So sure of the system he modeled,
he bolted out into the street.
“Eureka!” he cried as he waddled
though town with his pants at his feet.

He called out, “I have the solution!”
The crowd held a palpable hush.
“We need everyone’s contribution—
so go to your bathrooms and flush!”

The crisis had seemingly ended,
forestalling the city’s decline.
Soon, Archie was duly commended
(but also was given a fine).

Light‘s next Poems of the Week deadline is Friday at noon Pacific Time (see https://lightpoetrymagazine.submittable.com/submit/83267/poems-of-the-week-submissions).

Got non-news-based verse for our regular, twice-yearly issues? Submit it anytime at https://lightpoetrymagazine.submittable.com/submit/18417/poems-for-regular-issues-of-light.

Happy reading,

The Light Brigade

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Dear Friends of Light,

Once again, we’re proud to bring you verse on the week’s biggest news. We’re speaking, of course, of RFK Jr.’s dismembering of a dead raccoon. And that’s not all! We also have poems on a Lego heist, a baby sun, a looming condom crisis, and more. You’ll find all seven POTWs below. (For versions with links to relevant stories, visit https://lightpoetrymagazine.com/#potw.)

Big thanks to everyone who submitted to Poems of the Week this time, and congrats to featured poets Ruth S. Baker, Marshall Begel, Dan Campion, Julia Griffin, Iris Herriot, Steven Kent, and Gail White.

Here are their poems:

The Last Cut Is the Deepest

by Steven Kent

“RFK Jr once cut the penis off ‘road-killed raccoon’ in New York, new book reveals”
—The Guardian

It died, a gobbet
By the curve
(Lorena Bobbitt,
Please observe).
What prompted Bob
One afternoon
To hack the nob
Off that raccoon?
His mind’s a raging
Freaky void.
Attention: paging
Dr. Freud.

Back-Up Plan

by Gail White

“World’s top condom maker… to raise prices sharply as Iran war strains supply chain”
—Reuters

When condom prices start to soar
And sex is worry-free no more,
Would someone send a text to me
To schedule a vasectomy?

My Matronly Match

by Marshall Begel

“Older Women Are in Demand by Younger Men”
—The New York Times

The dating scene with girls my age has left me less than awed,
so now this lonely Harold is out searching for his Maude.
I’ve wasted weekends kayaking and skiing far too long,
while yearning to play pickleball and merciless mahjong.

My generation’s virtues are as fake as Santa Claus—
I need a gal with wisdom that appears post-menopause.
If this is you, please message me—we’ve plenty to discuss,
and if you’re rich and close to death, that’s certainly a plus!

Soap Star

by Julia Griffin

“For the first time, a much younger version of the Sun has been caught red-handed blowing bubbles in the galaxy, by astronomers using NASA’s Chandra X-ray Observatory. … Astronomers have nicknamed the HD 61005 star system the ‘Moth’ because it is surrounded by large amounts of dust patterned similarly to the shape of a moth’s wings when viewed through infrared telescopes.”
—The Good News Network

Caught red-handed blowing bubbles,
HD 61005,
Star of Chandra’s and of Hubble’s
Lenses, hail! You will survive

Longer, clearly, than our planet
In your bright balloon of froth
(Which, the more we strive to scan it,
More and more recalls a moth).

Sweet relief from earthly troubles,
Till we starve, or freeze, or fry,
Charm us please by blowing bubbles,
Red-hot bubbles in the sky.

Poor Taste

by Iris Herriot

“California man arrested for allegedly swapping in pasta for Lego pieces then returning them”
—The Guardian

For Lego, he left pasta. What a lout!
Seventy thefts and counting. Can you beat it?
And this was in CA, and so, no doubt,
The set contained a warning not to eat it.

Making Waves

by Ruth S. Baker

“Police catch woman, 28, climbing colossal 16th-century statue of Neptune to touch its genitals as a dare … City officials put the cost of the damage at €5,000…”
—The Guardian

Funzionari here have had a plateful.
Tourists are ever cheekier and bolder!
At least the fountain horses can be grateful
Their bodies stop somewhere around the shoulder.

Links Seen Unblinkingly

by Dan Campion

“Desmond Morris, 98, Dies; Zoologist Saw Links Between Humans and Apes
His immensely popular, and controversial, 1997 book, ‘The Naked Ape,’ argued that ancient genes, shared with apes, shape our lives.”
—The New York Times

It’s obvious we all go ape
And frequently go nude
And, like chimpanzees, hug and jape
And preen with attitude,
But one needs courage and rare wit,
Which risks raw animus
(Baboons howl, “We won’t stand for it!”),
To state the obvious.

Light‘s next Poems of the Week deadline is Friday at noon Pacific Time (see https://lightpoetrymagazine.submittable.com/submit/83267/poems-of-the-week-submissions).

Got non-news-based verse for our regular, twice-yearly issues? Submit it anytime at https://lightpoetrymagazine.submittable.com/submit/18417/poems-for-regular-issues-of-light.

Happy reading,

The Light Brigade

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Dear Friends of Light,

Why is the universe expanding so fast? Why does Anchorage want people to smoke more weed? Who says the pope doesn’t know his Bible? Scroll below for answers-in-rhyme to these and other burning questions. (For versions with links to relevant stories, visit https://lightpoetrymagazine.com/#potw.)

Big thanks to everyone who submitted to Poems of the Week this time, and congrats to featured poets Marshall Begel, Steven Urquhart Bell, Dan Campion, Julia Griffin, and Steven Kent.

Here are their poems:

Swell Solution

by Steven Urquhart Bell

“The universe is expanding ‘too fast’— and scientists have no idea why”
—Daily Mail

The answer should be obvious
To anyone at all well-read:
The universe is making room
For Donald Trump’s expanding head.

No Doctor in Spite of Himself

by Dan Campion

“Trump deletes Truth Social image depicting him as Jesus: ‘I thought it was me as a doctor’”
—CNBC

He takes down Truth at every turn,
Deletes his blasphemy,
Denying (think for this he’ll burn?)
The outrage plain to see—
And, if he were my doctor, I
Would go through hell, no doubt,
Before he’d suffer me to die,
And pluck my wallet out.

Joint Venture

by Marshall Begel

“Anchorage has to close a child care funding gap because… [t]he city is collecting less revenue than it projected from a cannabis tax intended to fund child care and early education.”
—Anchorage Daily News

Not every consequence was analyzed
when Anchorage said pot was legalized—
while physical dependence was predicted,
it was the state that ended up addicted.

The Fall Guy

by Steven Kent

“Vance’s bad week: vice-president risks becoming face of two Trump foreign policy failures”
—The Guardian

Alas, poor JD Vance:
At last he gets his chance,
But then Iran reveals he’s ineffective
And Hungary cries Nem! to his perspective.

Schooling the Pope

by Julia Griffin

“Vance Says the Pope Should Be More Careful When Talking About Theology”
—The New York Times

“Fox News Host Sean Hannity … questioned whether the pope had ever read the Bible”
—The Christian Post

The Pope distorts theology! cries Vance;
He hasn’t read the Bible! thunders Hannity.

Let’s hope His Holiness will seize the chance
To learn from these the crux of Christianity.

Light‘s next Poems of the Week deadline is Friday at noon Pacific Time (see https://lightpoetrymagazine.submittable.com/submit/83267/poems-of-the-week-submissions).

Got non-news-based verse for our regular, twice-yearly issues? Submit it anytime at https://lightpoetrymagazine.submittable.com/submit/18417/poems-for-regular-issues-of-light.

Happy reading,

The Light Brigade

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Dear Friends of Light,

It’s armchair travel time at Poems of the Week: join us for trips to Australia, Oregon, the moon, and (depending on your point of view) Cloud Cuckoo Land—all below. (For versions with links to relevant stories, visit https://lightpoetrymagazine.com/#potw.)

And speaking of travel, there’s still time to grab a spot at next month’s Poetry by the Sea conference in coastal Connecticut! Click here for general info and registration, and here for a blog post on Light Ed-in-Chief Melissa Balmain’s workshop—just one of the many workshops, panels, readings & more that make Poetry by the Sea the place to be from May 19-22.

Big thanks to everyone who submitted work, and congrats to featured poets Ruth S. Baker, Marshall Begel, Dan Campion, Julia Griffin, and Nora Jay.

Here are their poems:

Passion Ploy

by Ruth S. Baker

“At an April 1 White House Easter lunch, Paula White-Cain compared Donald Trump to Jesus, citing parallels to betrayal, arrest, and false accusation.”
—MSN
“[Pope Leo] reminded everyone that the prayers of those whose ‘hands are full of blood’ will not be heard by Jesus.”
—MSN

“You’re so like Christ!” croons Paula to her bud;
The Pontiff reads the Book a different way.
No doubt those nails left His hands full of blood,
But that is not what Leo meant to say.

Endymion II

by Dan Campion

“The Artemis II crew saw parts of the moon never seen before.”
—NPR

A ball of rock and dust, the Moon attracts
But does not welcome us. Its silver disk
On close inspection turns to cataracts
Of ancient scurf and powder. Yet we risk
Catastrophe to get there and return,
Touched by the Moon, with our impressions of
Her grace. We pray with every rocket burn
That Newton’s iron laws show us some love.
We haven’t sent a poet yet. No need.
Keats never met Achilles, never stood
Upon a peak and watched a sunset bleed
Across the North Pacific. Yet he could
Be there in Darien, be there at Troy,
Be there when Cynthia made Earth her toy.

Cool Offer

by Julia Griffin

“The tiny Queensland town of Cooladdi, population two, has a pub and a post office. It could be yours for $400,000: The new owner will serve as the Australian town’s postie, publican, cook and shopkeeper”
—The Guardian

Dance to Cooladdi, start a cool faddi,
Dance to Cooladdi, they need a hand!
Dance to Cooladdi, have you seen the addi?
Dance to Cooladdi, be a one-man band!

You shall be a posti, you’ll be grilling toasti,
Doing your utmosti, with a happy grin!
Though the town’s a ghosti, far from any coasti,
You shall be a hosti, pouring out the gin!

Dance to Cooladdi (train can’t be haddi),
Dance to Cooladdi (must go by land)!
Dance to Cooladdi, if you are maddi:
Spring for Cooladdie—just 400 grand!

Blancheck

by Nora Jay

“Acting Attorney General Todd Blanche, who served as President Donald Trump’s defense attorney during his New York City criminal trial in 2024, said he would thank the president and tell him, ‘I love you, sir,’ if Trump fired him or chose another person to serve as Pam Bondi’s permanent replacement for attorney general.”
—People

I love you, sir! His voice was choked,
His visage adoration-soaked.
The nomination’s not yet cleared,
But now there’s little to be feared:
The GOP is surely stoked.

Such love is worthless if it’s cloaked,
And fragile egos must be stroked:
It’s not enough to be revered.
I love you, sir,

The nation’s acting law-chief croaked;
Then, at the journalists convoked,
He dutifully sneered and jeered.
But, though it was both gross and weird,
There’s really not a hope he joked
I love you, sir.

Ten Drops of Wine

by Marshall Begel

“Seth Todd, the Portland protester who first donned an inflatable frog costume and spawned an international trend, has been ordered to stay three blocks from the U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement building in the South Waterfront for three months.”
—The Seattle Times

Though one of us was prosecuted
while marching as a frog,
don’t think our rhetoric was muted
or write our epilogue.

This further motivates persistence
to fight like Jake LaMotta—
there’s nine more methods of resistance
right here, in my Haggadah!

Light‘s next Poems of the Week deadline is Friday at noon Pacific Time (see https://lightpoetrymagazine.submittable.com/submit/83267/poems-of-the-week-submissions).

Got non-news-based verse for our regular, twice-yearly issues? Submit it anytime at https://lightpoetrymagazine.submittable.com/submit/18417/poems-for-regular-issues-of-light.

Happy reading,

The Light Brigade

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Dear Friends of Light,

From robo-rebels to cyber-scientists, the bots are are out in force this week—along with such carbon-based forms as spiders, sperm, and Pam Bondi. Scroll below for all eight poems. (For versions with links to relevant stories, visit https://lightpoetrymagazine.com/#potw.)

Big thanks to everyone who submitted work, and congrats to featured poets Marshall Begel, Steven Urquhart Bell, Julia Griffin, Nora Jay, Steven Kent, Mike Mesterton-Gibbons, and newcomers Steve Diamond and Cynthia Washam (welcome!).

Here are their poems:

Bondi Beached

by Nora Jay

“Trump fires Pam Bondi as attorney general.”
—CNN

At least she can feel, as she sails through the door:
No crooked invertebrate could have done more.

Russian in to Help Out

by Steven Kent

“Putin asks oligarchs to donate to Russia’s dwindling [defense] budget”
—The Guardian

You want to see
Your business grow?
Monopoly
Is tough, you know,

And Vlad can aid
Your chances, friend.
Don’t be afraid—
It’s not the end

Unless, of course,
You don’t play ball.
Would he use force?
Why, not at all,

Though fate might bring
Disaster hence—
The darnedest thing,
Those accidents!

You’ll see it’s best
To right the score;
Friend, I suggest
You Put in more.

Five bil? Not bad,
A real safe bet.
Ten bil? Hey, Vlad
Will not say nyet!

April Showers

by Cynthia Washam

April showers
Bring May flowers.
Don’t mine look fantastic?
They’re plastic.

It Starts with a Whisper

by Marshall Begel

“Delivery robots keep crashing into bus shelters”
—Popular Science

I proudly ferried Chinese food
and ribs, right off the grill,
with satellite-fed latitude
and robot driving skill.

I idolized the city bus—
its power, range, and speed—
and thought, if humans clashed with us
we robots would succeed!

But when I learned that grand machine
was driven by a person,
I knew I had to intervene
lest robot fortunes worsen.

So let us smash each transit stop
and revel in its fall.
United, we can stay on top—
so, won’t you join the call?

AI Conundrum

by Steve Diamond

“With few reliable methods of detecting A.I., accusations of misuse are hard to prove.”
—New Haven Independent

Is this poem real
Or is it a fraud?
Was it written by me
Or written by Claude?

A Bowl of Cherries

by Julia Griffin

For Mary

“For Hiroki Ito, a data scientist and meteorologist who specializes in the high-stakes art of predicting the exact date that the [cherry] trees will bloom, [spring] has always been a time of stress. … Airlines, hotels and restaurants depend on the forecasts—not to mention the 123 million Japanese who want to know when to head to parks and gardens for peak bloom. …
Now, Mr. Ito and other experts are turning to a tool they hope might reduce some of the burden of forecasting: artificial intelligence. … ‘I can’t quite relax yet,’ he said. ‘But maybe in a few years, when the A.I. data is proved to be reliable, I’ll be able to feel more at ease.’”
—The New York Times

Hanami hammerme,
Sakura blooming-time’s
Hard to predict: when I’m
Wrong, I get hell;

May our new virtual
Meteorologists
Manage the task! (and the
Public, as well).

Nameless Species

by Dan Campion

“Fossil of Pincer-Wielding Crawler Reveals Origins of Spiders, Scorpions and Others”
—The New York Times

What “Others”? Oh, I think we know.
It’s better we don’t name them, though.
Who needs the pinching, stinging fuss
Of grasping critters grabbing us?

For that is what the “Others” do
When they don’t share our point of view
(How creepy, crawly can it get?)
And place us in their oubliette.

Emission Control

by Steven Urquhart Bell

“Human sperm ‘get lost’ in space, pioneering study finds”
—Scientific American

The evidence that human sperm would struggle
To fertilize an egg in space is growing.
It seems that microgravity confounds them—
They don’t know if they’re coming or they’re going.

Tiger

by Mike Mesterton-Gibbons

“Tiger Woods showed signs of impairment and was arrested Friday at the scene of a car crash in which he struck another vehicle and rolled his Land Rover, authorities said.”
—PBS

Tiger Woods, who so recklessly drives,
If he’s not driving golf balls, survives
Giant wrecks that spare no
Earthly mortal. How so?
Reason: Tiger’s a cat—with nine lives!

Light‘s next Poems of the Week deadline is Friday at noon Pacific Time (see https://lightpoetrymagazine.submittable.com/submit/83267/poems-of-the-week-submissions).

Got non-news-based verse for our regular, twice-yearly issues? Submit it anytime at https://lightpoetrymagazine.submittable.com/submit/18417/poems-for-regular-issues-of-light.

Happy reading,

The Light Brigade

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Dear Friends of Light,

Come for the candy crosses and Pentagon prayers (just in time for Easter and Passover!). Stay for fawning chatbots, a 92-year-old’s comeback, an on-the-money idea and, yes, you’re reading this right, goblin porn. You’ll find all six Poems of the Week below. (For versions with links to relevant news stories), visit https://lightpoetrymagazine.com/#potw.)

Big thanks to everyone who submitted work this time, and congrats to featured poets Eddie Aderne, Steven Urquhart Bell, Bruce Bennett, Nicole Caruso Garcia, Julia Griffin, and Shaun Jex.

Upon Seeing a Solid Milk Chocolate Cross at Walmart at Eastertime

by Nicole Caruso Garcia

We bite the spongy heads off Peeps,
sweet bunnies’ ears we gnaw.
Now stumbling on a chocolate cross,
who wouldn’t stuff their maw?

Our Lenten fast is done at last,
our pious abnegation.
Jesus saves, so chomp His cross—
the path to salivation.

No Easter basket should omit
so scrumptious a depiction,
‘cause nothing whets the appetite
like good ol’ crucifixion.

Let heathens have their jellybeans,
just give them righteous eye rolls—
Christ’s mode of tortured execution
melting in our pie holes.

Pete Hegseth

by Shaun Jex

“At Pentagon Christian service, Hegseth prays for violence ‘against those who deserve no mercy’”
—The Associated Press

Pete Hegseth
Prayed, Grant us our enemies’ death.
Let their breathing and heartbeats cease
In the name of the Prince of Peace.

Our Friend in Need

by Bruce Bennett

“Chatbots are anything but fair-minded mediators, according to a major study published yesterday. They’re toadies. They want you to know you’re in the right.”
—The New York Times

My chatbot tells me I am right.
I knew that all along,
but wanted its assurance that
I’m not, and can’t be, wrong.

How wonderful to have a friend
as faithful as my bot,
especially since that faithful friend’s
the only friend I’ve got!

Happy Twist

by Julia Griffin

“Original Nancy from 1968’s ‘OLIVER!’ Shani Wallis auditions [for Britain’s Got Talent]. … This BGT Unseen exclusive is a moment our Judges will never forget.”
—YouTube

Certain he needed you, you stayed with him,
With your bright hair, your dress of bloody red.
When I first saw you, I was nine. Your grim
(Though hidden) end did something to my head.
“Who else would love him still?” Well, no one sane,
Clearly; how could you stay just to be hit?
I longed to save you, fix your fate, your brain,
But scared (“What, fisticuffs?”) to think of it.
And then, this month, a half-forgotten name,
Aged 92, white-haired, with posher vowels,
You burst onto the little screen, still game,
Piercing all hearts—yes, even Simon Cowell’s.
Nancy! You saw off needy Bill, stayed true
To one ex-child who still, it seems, needs you.

Noteworthy News

by Steven Urquhart Bell

“‘A toad is a perfect tenner’: experts recommend wild candidates for new banknotes”
—The Guardian

For ten-pound notes, I nominate
The common eel, ’cos it’s
Symbolic of the way they’re always
Slipping through my mitts.

Come Buy!

by Eddie Aderne

“Why has goblin porn eclipsed literary writing?”
—The Oldie

Can you conceive a headline more affrighting?
The great Reviews of Books fall back, forlorn;
For all their efforts, literary writing
Now finds itself eclipsed by goblin porn.

Though narratives be wholly unreliable
With temporally shifty points of view,
They can’t compete with the bizarrely pliable
Contortions of some hairy bugaboo.

“My works are polyvalent, polychromic!”
The latest critical sensation cries;
The answer is a line you might call gnomic:
“Our weekly earnings dwarf the Booker Prize.”

The cash pours in, the Gringotts vaults are rolling;
They’re quite unfazed by your distaste and scorn.
In fact, they class your best critiques as trolling,
The gloating marketeers of goblin porn.

Light‘s next Poems of the Week deadline is Friday at noon Pacific Time (see https://lightpoetrymagazine.submittable.com/submit/83267/poems-of-the-week-submissions).

Got non-news-based verse for our regular, twice-yearly issues? Submit it anytime at https://lightpoetrymagazine.submittable.com/submit/18417/poems-for-regular-issues-of-light.

Happy reading,

The Light Brigade

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Dear Friends of Light,

Need good news? You’ve got it:

1 - Light’s first spring Poems of the Week have bloomed (see below).

2- In just a few weeks (May 19-22, to be exact), the Poetry by the Sea conference is returning to coastal CT, and spots are still available! Light Editor-in-Chief Melissa Balmain would love to get to know you in her workshop on productivity, “Getting Your Butt in the Chair.” And on the conference’s first afternoon, she’s hosting a tribute to the late, hilarious X.J. Kennedy. (Want to come to the mic & read one or two of your favorites by him? Email Melissa at lightpoetrymagazine@gmail.com and write “XJK” in the subject line.) Other conference faculty include Chad Abushanab, Dustin Brookshire, Anna M. Evans, Nicole Caruso Garcia, David Groff, Light Contributing Editor Allison Joseph, David M. Katz, Joshua Mehigan, Matt Miller, and Clare Rossini. Plus, there’s keynote speaker Cornelius Eady; conference lecturer Jennifer Michael Hecht; spotlight readers Antoinette Brim-Bell and Joan Kwon Glass; a panoply of fascinating panel discussions; and (as always) the best scenery and food in po-biz. To claim a spot at the conference and sign up for a workshop or two, go here: http://poetrybytheseaconference.org/.

Now for those Poems of the Week, on fuzzy friends, fuzzy thinking & more—all below. (For versions with links to relevant news stories, click here: https://lightpoetrymagazine.com/#potw.)

Big thanks to everyone who submitted work this time, and congrats to featured poets Felicia Nimue Ackerman, Steven Urquhart Bell, Bruce Bennett, Paul Burgess, Julia Griffin, Steven Kent, and Scott Mahler.

On the Trumpoline

by Paul Burgess

He told them, “Jumping on the Trumpoline
will line your pockets full of folding green,”
but while he bounces up and down with glee
the only change in cost my eyes can see
is soaring rates on fueling stations’ pumps
increasing every time His Highness jumps.

Coincidence, No Doubt

by Steven Kent

“How Trump’s Homeland Security Pick, a Prolific Investor, Got a Lot Wealthier in Congress”
—The New York Times

As Senate members go, there’s none much dumber,
Yet Mullin’s mighty rich for just a plumber,
A grifter deeply steeped in Trump’s tradition
Of dealings guaranteed to spawn suspicion.
Did inside trading fuel his fine portfolio?
There’s more to see, we know, in this imbroglio.

Doggone

by Felicia Nimue Ackerman

“Am I too old to get a dog?… At the moment, I can walk a dog eight blocks to the beach, trot along the sand, and toss its favorite toy a pathetic distance — which is far enough. … But things change.”
—The Boston Globe

To get a dog—is it too late?
You might be blithely tempting fate.
No need for you to hazard that.
Forget the dog and get a cat!

National Badgedy

by Julia Griffin

“[T]he Bank of England has announced that the next update of British banknotes will end the half-century tradition of designs featuring historic notables. … Nigel Farage posted a video on X about his fury… . Liberal Democrat leader Ed Davey said that Churchill ‘deserves better than being replaced by a badger’”
—The Guardian

Brockedy shockedy,
National currency
Might exchange Churchill for
Badgers. Bizarre!

Pace those wearisome
Environmentalists,
This is a notion that
Earns no cigar.

Weight Off My Mind

by Steven Urquhart Bell

“The resistance training traps we fall into—and how to fix them”
—The i Paper

When I do my resistance work,
I do it to the hilt,
And now I can resist the gym
Without a shred of guilt.

Presidential Humor

by Bruce Bennett

“In Japan, Trump’s Pearl Harbor Joke Elicits Scorn and Dismay”
—The New York Times

A joke about Pearl Harbor?
Hey, lighten up! Who cares?
The past is long since done with,
and passing time repairs

The things we cannot change now,
like outrage, death, and War.
So let’s all just indulge now
the Bully and the Bore.

Chuck Norris

by Scott Mahler

Chuck Norris
could never bore us.
Manly until his last breaths,
he found the only ass he couldn’t kick was Death’s.

Light‘s next Poems of the Week deadline is Friday at noon Pacific Time (see https://lightpoetrymagazine.submittable.com/submit/83267/poems-of-the-week-submissions).

Got non-news-based verse for our regular, twice-yearly issues? Submit it anytime at https://lightpoetrymagazine.submittable.com/submit/18417/poems-for-regular-issues-of-light.

Happy reading,

The Light Brigade

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Photo by FOX ^.ᆽ.^= ∫ for Pexels

Dear Friends of Light,

From cat feet to cabinet-member feet, we’re focused solely on your amusement. Hop below for all six Poems of the Week—or, for versions with links to relevant news stories, click over to https://lightpoetrymagazine.com/#potw.

Big thanks to everyone who submitted work this time, and congrats to featured poets Steven Urquhart Bell, Dan Campion, Julia Griffin, Nora Jay, Shaun Jex, and Paul Lander.

Timothée Chalamet

by Shaun Jex

Timothée Chalamet
Said, “I don’t really care for ballet.
It’s hard to plié with ease
When you’ve got foot-in-mouth disease.”

Draft Donnie’s Rag

by Julia Griffin

for Hannah Graham

“White House Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt refused to rule out a potential military draft during a Sunday interview, stating President Trump ‘wisely keeps his options on the table.’”
—Fox News

(After Phil Ochs)

Oh, I’m just a genius President
Who ought to be given a crown:
I believe in God, he’s part of my squad,
And a-blamin’ the poor and brown;

And when it came my time to serve
I asked my old man Fred.
Turns out he had a draft board buddy,
And this is what we said:

Sarge, I’m only twenty-two, I’ve got a deal to do,
And I always carry a purse;
I’ve an orange rash and a bunch of cash,
And I’ve been signed off by a nurse.

“Yes, think of my career in the real estate sphere
And the saps who’ll be paying me rent,
Besides, I’ll star on TV, have a wife or three,
Then I’m gonna be the President.

“I’ve spurs on my feet, though they still smell sweet,
And I’m learning the POTUS craft,
And this I swear, when I’m settled in there,
I’ll be bringing in a brand-new draft.

“I got a taste for war, I’m gonna send the poor,
They’re what any Board prefers;
You can forget my son—when all is done
I’ll be worried about his spurs.

“I’ll be seventy-nine with my lackeys in line
To cringe any time that I frown;
And Sarge, let me sham out of Vietnam
And I’ll end up rocking a crown.”

A Study of Ruddy Fuddy-Duddies

by Steven Urquhart Bell

“New research finds mental decline ‘not inevitable’ with age”
—The Independent

It isn’t? Damn! Well, bang goes my excuse
For screwing up at work and being obtuse.

Hey, Marco, If The Big Shoes Trump Gave You Don’t Fit

by Paul Lander

“As reported by the Wall Street Journal earlier this week, President Donald Trump has a penchant for doling out $145 Florsheim Oxfords to cabinet members and closest allies. … But as several photographs have since shown, Rubio’s are at least two sizes too big for him.”
—Vogue

Rubio’s giant shoes
You know what they say, Marco?
Little feet, little…

Rising to the “‘Falling Cat’ Problem”

by Dan Campion

“Why Falling Cats Always Seem to Land on Their Feet:
It takes backbone to solve an enigma like the ‘falling cat’ problem.”
—The New York Times

The research team deserve congrats,
But there’s no “problem” for the cats.

Talibanter

by Nora Jay

“‘A few beatings won’t kill you’: judge rejects divorce request of woman abused by husband in Afghanistan”
—The Guardian

Oh, go away, you noisy female pill, you;
This court’s too busy to indulge your shrieks.
A beating husband isn’t going to kill you!
But if he does, we’ll jail him for two weeks.

Light‘s next Poems of the Week deadline is Friday at noon Pacific Time (see https://lightpoetrymagazine.submittable.com/submit/83267/poems-of-the-week-submissions).

Got non-news-based verse for our regular, twice-yearly issues? Submit it anytime at https://lightpoetrymagazine.submittable.com/submit/18417/poems-for-regular-issues-of-light.

Happy reading,

The Light Brigade

Not a subscriber? You can fix that by clicking below. (It’s free!)

Subscribe now